Weekly Property Porn

Every since medieval times property as been the one aspirational commodity that everyone looks up to...........so it no wonder we are all property porn voyeurs


Here's our selection of this weeks property porn........the theme is: Rich bitches

Remember Deers: This is just a bit of fun so don't be a dick and rocked up to the houses below front doors you will be arrested and even rich bitches have a right to privacy

Disclaimer: All the fact and figures in this section come from a variety of sources and should not be taken as direct fact..........the views in Boyfrapp views are of the authors only and should not be taken seriously

Cher's Jaw Dropping Malibu Estate

Where: Pacific Coast Highway, Malibu, Los Angeles County

Who: Cher

Price: Jaw dropping $41,000,000 (about £25m)

Status: For Sale

Basic Voyeur: Massive Malibu Italian Renaissance Villa, 1.72 Arces, Direct Pacific ocean views, 6 Beds, 7 Baths, Theatre, Gym, Suspended tennis court, Infinity Pool, Guesthouse

Boyfrapp: They say if you stick around long enough you're always be rewarded well that is certainly the case for, she's been around since the creation of time, Cher who has amassed not only a huge personal fortune but a massive property empire to boot. With this Malibu pad being one of the jewels in the collection. It first went on sale last year for an eye watering $45 million but had no offers so generous Cher has re-launch the property with a measly $4, 000,000 price cut. For that you get 6 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms, what is it with Americans and the need to have more bathrooms than bedrooms?, you also get your own personal theatre, a cool large pool and a suspended tennis court which we're not exactly sure means. Also due to current planning permissions today such a huge compound wouldn't be allowed on the coast of Malibu so its has a unique appeal. Apart from the astronomical price the only downside is that its a bit far from the main action of LA, a good 90 mins on one of LA's ghastly freeways.

Don't worry about Cher herself she wont be homeless. Amongst her massive property collection she has other homes in LA including reports of a massive Beverly hills compound, a penthouse up the way in the swanky Sierra Towers in West Hollywood, a good guess at a NYC pad, and a measly modern East London apartment in the docklands near Canary Wharf, in the past she has also owned two Miami estates one currently up for sale by the current owner for $7,900,00

while the other one was up for sale by Cher herself a couple of years back for around $20,000,000 it wouldn't surprise us if since then she has bagged another multi-million dollar vacation home.

Madonna's New NYC Pad

Address. East 81 ST, Between Lexington & Third Aves, Manhattan's swanky Upper East Side
New Owner: Madonna Louise Ciccone
Sold Price: $ 32, 500,000 (about £19.5m) + Several Millions of dollars in Renovations

Basic Voyeur: Georgian style Townhouse, made up of three separate townhouses, 26 Rooms, including, 2 Kitchen's, 13 Bedroom's, huge (for Manhattan) garden, roof terrace, 2 private Garages


Boyfrapp View: When news came that Madonna had signed a contract on this huge super wide townhouse back in April NYC property bitches went into melt down. Apparently because of its location, although it was well known Madge was looking at multi-million mansions on the more conservative Upper East side for over a year after falling out with the Co-op board of her Central Park West abode, about purchasing another apartment in the buildings to add to her already huge pad there, the board refused so Madonna had to do what she always does threaten to sue them and eventually getting her own way. But we can't help feeling this led to some bad blood between the superstar and the neighbours. Anyway the location of this townhouse was in what the snobby upper east siders called the 'Far East' away (a 10 min walk) from the prime UES locations of Park Ave and Fifth Ave, and of course Central Park itself. It was the garages that did it allowing Madonna private in and out access. However it now looks like Madge has had the last laugh completing the purchase of the vast property by knocking off a cool $9.5 m of the asking price of $42,000,000.

Even though Madonna is meant to be a bit of a traditionalist at heart we can't help feeling the decor is a bit old womanish even for Madge. Plus the floorplan could be vastly improve from its current state, essentially at the mo its split into two with one side for the residents and one smaller side for staff, how very Victorian. So get the gay interior designers in and blow a few million to get it back up to the $40 mil mark. Already Madonna has pissed off the neighbours with mass renovations and redesigning under way whilst the queen is on tour. Apparently the work is so big the road itself had to close, with angry residents yelling 'there goes the neighbourhood', nothing like endearing yourself to the neighbours. Anyway the location may not be prime Upper East Side at the mo, but it will soon be the coolest, not because of Madonna living there, because Lourdes will be.

Joan Rivers NYC Penthouse

Address: East 60's just of Fifth Ave in Manhattans swanky Upper East Side

Seller: US Comedian Joan Rivers

Status: For Sale

Price: Whopping $25,000,000 (About £15m)

Basic Voyeur: Old School Upper East Side Duplex Penthouse, Top of a limestone 1903 mansion, 3 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms, Terrace, views of Central park and Manhattan, Restored original features by museum trained artisans

Boyfrapp View: Who knew being a bitch could be so profitable? This place is a little bit to Palace of Versailles for our liking but at least the plastic faced comedian has shown some class by getting the experts in to restore the original architecture of the place, and a quick glimpse on the wonderful Google streetview shows that its at the top of a particularly beautiful old school NYC townhouse. Can't fault the location being just off Fifth steps from Central Park in a prime UES location, although for $25m you could bag yourself a real 5th ave address. Its a condo so no horrible board approval is needed. Right time to be more bitchy so we can bag ourselves a London equivalent.

Cat Litter News

Here our snippets of news that we have found interesting, funny, and goddamn scary over the last week:

Going Going Gone

This week came the news that the show that defined the decade for both good and bad is comming to an end, yep Channel 4 has seen sense and is going to dump Big Bro after the next series. Now when big brother started like everyone else here at Frapp Mag we also became hooked on the reality series that would change all reality series but quickly the show became a victim of its own success. In series 1 the contestants were relativity normal ( yes they had been pick by Producers who thought they would make good TV but for TV essentially they were normal) you had builder Craig, our personal favourite Anna, and even Nasty Nick, who made news headlines, had some form of credability about him. There was a genuine social interest and experiment appeal to it, it was exciting and new. Then as each series went by the more it became a parody of itself, the contestants weren't ordinary people wanting to appear in a TV show, they were freaks who had watched the show already, knew how to gain quick fame by being exaggerated characters, after Jade, we had Nikki who was rewarded for being a retard, then Brain did the same and again was rewarded for being a retard. It was no longer a reality TV show because the contestants knew exactly how to behave and to act in order to make a name for themselves. Big Brother showed how such shows exposing those desperately wanting quick fame could become TV gold and now we have the X-Factor and Britain's Got Talent, who pose as talent shows but in the opening weeks are nothing but jumped up freaks shows and we all know it, this will be Big Brother's legacy but the original idea was much better and what a good idea it was.

London News

The biggest gob smacking news came from the fact that at one point this year London fell to 27 in the list of the world's most expensive cities. Yes London!. The Scandivian captials dominant the list with Oslo named the most expensive city of all. London's drop was blamed on the falling value of the pound against the other global currencies. Yet even with this information anyone who lives or has lived in London can't help but been sceptical about this, and so it turns out that if you put travel and property into the mix London suddenly shot back towards the top. So as long as you don't live in property or travel anywhere Londoners have nothing to complain about.

Second London news is that the hottest underground lines have been idenified with the Central and Bakerloo being the one's to avoid on a hot day, yep, we couldn't believe the Victoria line wasn't top too.

Thrid London news is that a man was brutally attack in east London after answering an ad on Gumtree, this is shocking news especially after here at Frapp Mag we spent years treding to various London Counicl estates looking for a room after answering numerous of Gumtree ads.

Manchester News

Soviet Manchester: Reports the Soviet Union planned an invasion of Manchester back in the 1970's by marching tropps down Washway Road into the centre of the city. Now there are those with BNP rhetoric who would argue that it has happed anyway 30 years later but not us of course we much prefer the Polish bus drivers to the Mancuian one's!

Baltimore Manchester: Shadow Home Secrety Chris Grayling has sparked fury by comparing Moss Side in Manchester as being as bad as the ghetto's in Baltimore as dramatised in the TV programme The Wire. Now although the most harden Mancuians probably wouldn't relish being alone in the area late at night we always had the impression that its one of those area's where repretation preceeds reality. I even had to do my driving lessons around there once in front of the gangs, boy that was the quickest 3 point turn the instructor had ever seen. Before i demanded to the next time being done on Pine Road in Didsbury. Anyway former NBA ace John Amaechi says that Baltimore makes Moss Side look like Alderley Edge which means Baltimore must be one hell of a Shithole.

Can't Catch a Break News

Bad week for Bernie Madoff first his ex-lover tells all about their affiar in The Sunday Times including that he wan't very well endowed then in prision he tell us he's dying and you thought you had a bad week.

Bottom of the litter

Big Brother may soon be over but the press obession with talentless wannabees certainly isn't this week in the news we lernt that Kerry Katona was back on the crack and Jordan's new fella the cage fighter stared in a porno and that they like talking what their going to to sexually loudly on a plane. It was Easyjet

Uppers & Downers

Uppers

1) End of Big Brother: It been on life support for a long time finally Channel 4 do the decent thing and kill it off!

2) Return of Wacky Shakira Songs: Apparently women you all have a wolf in your closet

3) Super High A-Level Results: Bad news for 16 year olds you can't get into any universities with three B's, great news for those of us who went to uni years ago when you could blag your way into a red brick with a couple a C's and now be university snobby!

Downers

1) Return of X-Factor: Get the tomato's at the ready

2) The Grey's Domination of Property: The Average age of buying a house independent of parental financial help is now 37. Where as those who brought property before the booms of the late 90's and most of the 00's continue their strangle-hold on property. Great if your aged between 45-65 if not your fucked

3) R.I.P theLondonPaper : Okay so you had basically a free Sun shuffed in ya face every time you walked down Oxford St but at least it was something to read on the the tube that wasn't owned by the Daily Mail company

Sport: When No.1 Mean's No.4

Back in the late 1990's and early Noughties there was a lot of sniggering in the Music world about manufactured British pop bands like Westlife, Steps and that one that Rachael whatshername was in releasing singles deliberately on weak sales weeks just so they could get to number 1 and appear to be more successful than they really were. A similar thing happens in sport Manchester United ended top of the Premier League last season with a modest record against the other top 4 teams yet always manage to roll out a 1-0 win against the crapper sides where as Arsenal had a decent record against the other big boys but finished fourth. However in recent years Tennis has been the sport in which being No.1 has been more like a confirmation that your good but not the best in the world especially among the women.

Take Dinara Safina she has been number 1 on the WTA ranking list since april of this year she is just under 1000 points ahead of her nearest rival Serena Williams, therefore she is the best player in the world right?. Unfortunately for Safina the world and his misses knows that this is bollocks, yes she's been to three glam slam finals in one she lost to Serena winning a mere 3 games and in her most competitive, the French Open versus Ivanovic, now not even a top tenner, she won a grand total of seven games. Even Kutznetsova never someone with an persona of a champion manage to out do her at the French Open. This was followed by even more humiliation at Wimbledon, when she should of loss to Mauresmo in the round of 16, but somehow battled through to the Semifinals only to then get trashed by Venus Williams winning a mere game. The reason for this is the way the ranking system of tennis works, despite various changes to focus on the slams over years, the system still and will always favour the work horses. The ITF argues its fair because it takes points from your best 15 tournaments. The problem is that someone like Safina can play 30 tournaments a year have 15 good ones and 15 shit one's but only the 15 good ones count. Instead Serena and Venus the unofficial 1 &2 in the world play about 10 tournaments half of which are treated like a practice in the park yet are still able to kick arse when it matters in the majors. Serena has won just a mere two tournaments this year, it just so happens they are the Australian Open and Wimbledon, and the last tournament Serena won before the Aussie Open, yep the US Open. Clearly she is No.1 the WTA knows it, Serena definetley knows it and Safina knows it. This was never a problem 10 years ago in the early 90's Seles was number 1 and boy was she number 1 no fucker could get near her not even Graf, people came to watch her because they knew they were watching an all time great and with the persona of a champion, so much so to stop her being number 1 a mad bastard had to stab her. Then Graf became no.1 who had been a solid no.2 before the Seles incident, but with Seles off the tour, at least Graf also had the persona of a great again so much so that the fellow female players bet on the length of time it would take for them to get beaten by her. The WTA has now lost this since the late 1990's there have been a whole host of number 1's who everyone knew weren't really no 1's they didn't have the persona of champions Jankovic ended last year no.1 but didn't win a major and it was left to Venus Williams who won the end of year championships, beating Jankovic on route, to say that the tour needs to award quality not quantity. The US open will start next week Safina will be the top seed but the bookies will put five other women ahead or her most likely Sharapova, Dementiavia, even Perhaps Kim Clijsters after two year lay off and of course the true 1&2 Venus and Serena. Whatever happens there's a big chance Safina will remain number one after it, most probably not having won it, unfortunately for her like a crap no.1 record that made it to the top spot selling a few thousand in a particular slow selling week she will never be remembered like a classic number two, three or four even.

The Last of the Famous International Playboy's?

Dear hero in prison sang Morrisey on his hit song based on the the Krays. Now one of the last international playboys is back to being a free man in Britain no longer a hero in prison but to many a hero who beat the system and 'the pigs'. Common sense dictates that Biggs should be freed from his prison sentence as if reports are to be believe he's a sick man with perhaps only months to live and even if he does recover his freedom will be confided to that of a nursing home in Norfolk. So at best his freedom is only a muted victory but the point is this shouldn't be seen as victory at all, after all Biggs turned his back on British freedom a long time ago and instead flaunted his freedom in Brazil for the world to see activity self promoting all the time so that he could be put up there with the Krays in that long line of strange British hero's, the homegrown working class gangster, most famously from the east end. Although Biggs never committed crimes as brutal as the Kray's, he did perfectly characterised himself in the same vain so well in fact that when he was finished living it up in Brazil, poorly, and wanted to come home The Sun, whose readers include a large proportion who are poor and working class, spent a huge sum of money bringing him back on a private jet. What for? great deeds to society? representation of the great and good of human kindness? No because he was a salt of the earth geezer from South London never mind the life of crime that paid for his endless fun in the sun. We love the geezer because in our minds they are one of the people, Guy Ritchie makes films about them, people go to Eel pie cafes in East London to pretend they are them and worst of all Babs Windsor talks about how lovely they were on endless TV shows. The problem is most on them weren't lovely or decent they were scum and violent bastards to boot Babs may say the Krays were a great laugh down the Nag's Head but the bloke whose bollocks they had in a vice probably had different views. The main problem of this hero worship is that is creates the idea the geezer gangster is okay, this is why recently we have seen a raise in old school gangster style crimes, the loan shark in Manchester who prayed on the poor to fulfil his own financial needs, who led people to live in fear, lives made a misery, now we have the 40m jewelery thieves, what a laugh straight from a Micheal Caine film, after all they're only stealing from rich bastards in Mayfair. No like Biggs, like the Krays they are harden criminals who have chosen a life a crime instead of work, they will strike fear into originally decent hard working people to get what they want as quickly as they want. So yes it was common sense to make Ronnie Bigg's a free man at this time in his life but lets not see it as victory or turn him into a hero or treat him as a hero like The Sun did when they laid on that private jet, he didn't contribute anything to British Society I mean even at the a basic level he didn't pay any taxes to the NHS which he has now benefited from, when he was partying in Brazil, so instead let him die where his life choices have led him to die a weak lonely death in the very unglamourous surrounding of a Norfolk care home.

Weekly Property Porn

Here is your dose of this week's property porn

Remember Deers: This is meant to be a bit of fun, so don't be a Dick and rock up on the front door of any of the houses below not only are you likely to be arrested but even public figures and rich people deserve a degree of privacy


Disclaimer: The Facts and Figures featured in this section are taken from a number of sources and should not be taken as direct fact. The opinions stated in the Boyfrapp Views section are of the authors only and should not be taken too seriously

London Home We Wanna Live In of the Week

Where: Gilston Road SW10, London
Status; For Sale
Price: £8,500,000
Former Celeb Owner: Tom Ford


Basic Voyeur: Fashion Queen Tom Ford's former London Townhouse, 3 bedrooms, 2.5 Bathrooms, Set off the Street Behind a high Wall, A period London Semi with stylish contemporary
interior



Boyfrapp's View: This house was sold by Fashion Daaahing Tom Ford a few years for a figure we haven't the foggest about. It is understood that the uber stylish interior Mr Ford renovated the house in has been largely untouched so you could find yourself living a Ford original photoshoot. Now some Chelseites get a bit Snotty about a SW10 postcode, due to its closeness to the more gritty Earls Court and long stomping distance from Sloane Square, but the big deal about this place is that its located in an area know as 'The Bolton's' a prestigious conversation area off the Fulham Rd. Geogre Micheal had a pad here later owned by Chris Evans which was later sold for £15m and Hugh Grant is said to be trying to buy up a whole road nearby. The main cons are that for 8.5m you could bag yourself a townhouse in Notting Hill with twice as many bedrooms plus in his super stylish renovations it looks like Mr Ford as done the unforgivable sin of getting rid of the original period features! American's they just can't be trusted with old things, except Madonna.

Celeb Global Home We Do Wanna Live In of The Week

'Where: The Brentmore, 88 Central Park West, Upper West Side, NYC
Sellers: Sting and Trudie Styler
Price: $ 19,000,000 (About £11.5m)
Status: For Sale

Basic Voyeur: String and Trudie's pre-war Central Park West Duplex co-op in the exclusive Brentmore, with 5 beds 4 bathrooms, 2 Kitchens and views over sheep meadows in Central Park

Boyfrapp View: This majestic duplex, originally made up of two separate apartments, hence the two kitchens, is in one the nicest buildings on the celeb filled and world famous Central Park West. 88 cpw aka The Brentmore is a 1910 exclusive co-op and is possibly one of the most attractive apartment building's in Manhattan. String and Trudie's style seems to be good looking at the snaps posted on Trulia we especially love the red bedroom it reminds us off what went on in the red bedroom in Sebastian Faulks novel The Birdsong and we're sure Sting and Trudie's famous tantric sex went down a storm in the brightly coloured room. String and the wife put the apartment up for sale last year for a whopping $26m only to have no offers and than took it of the market. Since then the power couple have brought a new pad in the new boy of Manhattan's celeb filled Apartment blocks the Commodioum 15 CPW also where Robert De Niro and Dustin Hoffman reside. So 88 cpw was slammed back on the market with a price cut of $7m where it has remained. The only con's we can think off is that the floorplan (see above) could be improved by a couple of gay designers perhaps turn the second kitchen into another bedroom and add a gym, plus it looks like the apartment is on a couple of the lower floors and if you're spending close $20m in NYC it good to be high up for the best views. The only other fly in the water is that you can't just rock up to somewhere like The Brentmore with $19m you need to be accepted by the dreaded co-op board first and since most apartments at The Brentmore start at around $10m we reckon they can be choosy.

Celebrity House of the Week We Don't Wanna Live in

Where: Alderley Edge, Cheshire
Price: £5,500,000
Status: Said to be under offer
Former Resident Cristiano Ronaldo
Buyer: Big signing City Player


Basic Voyeur: Footballer and professional playboy Cristiano Ronaldo's massive 7 bedroom Cheshire pile, in WAG central Alderley Edge Cheshire, Gym, Indoor Swimming Pool, Large Motorcourt

Boyfrapp View. Personally we would rather throw ourself's off the actual edge in the village of Alderley than live in this more money than class area of Cheshire, or anywhere in Cheshire for that matter, we are more urban creatures. Yet with its indoor Swimming Pool, Trophy house splendour ( although some have said it looks like a flash Sainsbury's) and a motorcourt for several of those flash cars footballers love we can guess that this is a WAGS dream home. Ronaldo brought the property in 2006 for a reported £3.65m then upset the neighbours with various extensions and renovations. Before this playboy Ronaldo lived in a more modest Cheshire home in dreary Woodford. Since his current home hit the market it has been reported that a number of big signing Manchester City players have been in a tussle over who can get their hands on this soccer mansion nicknamed 'Gold Trafford' Carlos Tevez, Kolo Tourel and Santa Cruz have all been reported to be interested in the property. At this moment it is widely reported that Santa Cruz has been the successful bidder with an eye watering 5.5m deal. One of the first adjustments the new owner might want to make is to change the CR7 steel Window bars that Cristiano had installed.

Out of Touch Lily

Lily Allen likes complaining, in her last song 'Not Fair' she was complaining about finding a great boyfriend who was perfect only for him to turn out to be a 3 minute man, the rest of the time she's complaining about men who are great in bed but absolute bastards out of it. Now in her current song 22 she is complaing about the predicament of young women in 21 st century life. The gist of the song is about a woman (lily) who spends her life having a great time shagging and partying at the age of 22, but hen regretting it at the age of 30, because she's in a dead end job, lonely, looking past it and getting one night stands when she really now wants to settle down. My issue with this is that Lily is about 10 years too late, Sex and the City change the image of 30 something singles back in the late 90's they were happy to be still be partying, having one night stands without desperately seeking 'the one to settle down with'. The average age of women getting married in the UK is now 33.6 and later for those living in London the truth is leisure activities prioritises don't really change that much between 22 and 32 so my advice would be don't worry about problems of turning 30 in this day of age it no longer matters.

Paternalism or Patronising ?

There has been a big Who-ha about a programme Sarah Ferguson made in which she helps the poor blighted lives of residents on a grim isolated south Manchester Council estate. Now i know this will come as shock to you deers but here at Frapp magazine we actually know the estate in question. Well we once drove through it as fast as possible on the way to a dinner party in Altrincham a few years back. Unfortunately when you actually know the estate in question in these programmes it normally spoils the illusion. Whilst we are not going to deny that areas of the estate are deprive and there are some people living in poverty there, after all a poll in the Manchester Evening News showed that 85% of its readers thought the programme gave an accurate image of the place, the television always polishes it a bit to create the correct image the producers want in the edit. Some examples include one youth who said the whole of south Manchester was shit even though its generally regarded as the best side of the city, it also made it out to be in some kind isolated deserted urban dessert, what it fails to mention is that a 15 min drive either way you find yourself in some of the most affluent areas of the Northwest with uber middle class Hale/Altrincham on one side and the trendy and expensive Manchester suburbs of Didsbury & Chorlton on the other, and that the Northern Moor estate itself is actually quiet small and the residents can and do venture into the bars and restaurants of these better parts of town. Its a bit like when you see Hackney on similar kinds of programmes, yes we all know that there are people there living with crime and poverty, but we also know its full of art students and that the houses near the park sell for 800k. Any-Whoo it seems like the Duchess has cause quiet a stir both with the residents of the estate who say it presented the wrong whole picture of life on the estate, and also some disgruntled (mainly middle class) Mancunians who don't like the idea of an old monied aristocrat making Manchester and the north in general look like one big Chav fest after years of successful regeneration.

On one hand you have to applause Fergie for giving it a try even if there was self promotion in the back of the mind. In her words putting her head above the parapet in order to help those at the bottom of society which lets face it is more than what most members of the Royal Family do. Although Fergie has now made the threat that she might not do it anymore given the backlash she received from angry residents on a recent radio show which does bring into question how committed she was in the first place. Netheraless there was some good out of her actions whether selfish or selfless. However the reason why I think people are becoming sick of such programmes this that it has been the last in the long line of such Paternalist shows. First we had the Secret Millionaire which was based on the uneasy process of normally a self made millionaire going to some god awful area of a northern city or a poor part of London and after a week of gaining a real insight to the plight of the poor hand selected certain organisations, charities and people deserving of their cash. But the programme makers got round this by showing the teary affect the experience had on the millionaire, the heart warming response of those given the cash and ultimately the good that in the end came from the cash injection. After this the same production company, who must be making a killing of such programmes, came up with a more watered down version 'How the Other half Lives' this had no selection process in it, expect of course that of the programme makers, and two random families from extreme spectrum's of wealth and class were brought together to see what they could learn from each other and what financial help the rich family could give (if wanted) to improve and in some cases save that of the poor's. The upward side of this is that at least the wealthy are prepared to have connect with the poor and if they so choose provide help by sharing their good fortune. The downside view of this old fashioned Victorian paternalism is the one of Judge, the sense that the wealthy are being given an opportunity to judge the poor and then decide whether they want to help or not, after all it is the wealthy who occupy the position of power in such situations. It also always amazing that so many of the Millionaires suddenly start popping up on numerous TV shows after the class experiment has finished where as the poor are never to be seen again.

What I think really annoys people is that in the 21st Century we are still relying on this essentially Victorian way of paternalism and this shouldn't be the case. However grateful a poor community maybe for the money of a secret millionaire or like in the case of the Duchess the help in setting up community based groups to turn things around and using their high profiles to give focus to the needs of poorer communities, the point is that in this day of age the poor shouldn't still be reliant on such paternalism and indeed at the mercy of such paternalism. Instead through all of the political developments over the last 100 years we should be in the situation where by the poor have there own power to help themselves or at the very least mechanisms of the state should mean that they are not reliant on the selective lottery of paternalist handouts.

The Weakest Sex

This week there has been lots of discussions about sex, for once though not about the activity, but its more basic biological meaning what some people refer to as gender. The controversy surrounds Caser Semenya (Pictured) the 18 year old South African from a poor provincial town in the north of the country who swept to victory in the Women's 800m final at the World Championships in Berlin. Now this would merit at best a few sentences in the sports pages, but now thanks to the IAAF asking for a complex, and grim sounding, Gender test the 18 year old now finds herself at the centre of a media storm regarding what must be one of the most important and intermit factors to a person's sense of self. Apparently the rumour mill went into overdrive when Semenya came from seemingly nowhere and smashed the world leading time at the African Junior Championships. Quickly there was also rumours about the 18 year olds 'masculine build' and 'deep voice'. It is widely believe that IAAF are working on the basis that, while Semenya 100 per cent considers herself female, she may have a rare intersex condition where by she was born with the genitalia of a female but has the Chromosome make up of a male which can be seen to give her an unfair advantage. Its is believe that there are between 20 to 30 intersex conditions and not just of the most obvious kinds.

What is sad about this story is that it displays the status of intersex gender in both society and the human Psyche. Inevitability there has been an human freak show aspect angle applied to the story, a sniggering aspect, and even an awkwardness to it, the wish that such matters would just go away. The panel in the BBC studio did their best to deal with it sensibly but there was also an undeniable under current of awkwardness, the tabloids have had a field day with The Sun calling her 'the 800m and Two Veg' athlete, even more depressing were the comments left by readers 'can't they just look at her in the shower' rather missing the point about the complexities of intersex conditions. Semenya fellow competitors haven't exactly helped the situation apparently during the warm ups there has been blatant gossiping, pointing, and staring aim directly in the presence of Semenya herself. Sixth finishing Italian Elisa Piccione stated 'that for me she's not a woman' , this being base on rumour rather than fact and whatever the case Semenya clearer thinks she is a woman, for me Piccione is a bad loser. At least British bronze medalist Jane Meadows was more level headed saying 'if it's not true i feel really sorry for her'.

Whether the doubts about her gender do turn out to be true or not, Semenya insists she is 100 per cent female, or even if it turns out she has an intersex condition I feel sorry for her. Mud sticks, people won't remember the great runner they will remember, and some will snigger, about that athlete who had doubts raised about her gender, or if it does turn out semenya is intersex there will be those who will inevitable never see her as a woman and refer to her 'as that man' One more issue this episode has brought up is the attitude towards successful women in sport, they have always been labelled masculine, remember Martin Navratilova, the very feminine Williams sisters have already been mentioned in the comments of readers in newspapers 'someone needs to check out the Williams Sisters while there at it' said one sun reader, they have repeatably been refer to as men on comedy panel shows, maybe its just that middle aged men don't like wealthy famous successful female athletes.

One more example this week of the lower status of transgender and intersex people comes from the New York Post, about the horrific killings of a transgender woman in Syracuse NY, the tactful headline 'New York Man Gets 25 Years for Tranny Slay' can you imagine any other murder getting such as cheap headline? Also normally with murder stories you get good and bad comments about the awfulness of the crime what should happen to the killer, for this story there were none.

Happy Belated Birthday to Madonna!

Here at Frapp Magazine we want to wish the Queen Bee of fame Madonna a happy belated birthday. Yep 51 years ago on the 16th of August the world welcomed Madonna Lousie Ciccone of Bay City Michigan. Having recently seen her on the fab Sticky & Sweet Tour the old girl is still at the top of her game and is looking amazing nearly as good as my Auty Christine of similar age.

Cat Litter News

Here is our summary of some weird, wonderful and something just goddamn scary and funny news:


Correlation Between UFOs and Television shows

In the news this week we learnt that there was a report into the unusually high UFO sighting during the mid 1990's. Apart from the fact that there wasn't much going on during most of this period so people were looking for anything of interest officials now believe that this increase can be put down to the popular television programme X files, remember with Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny, he went on to become a sex addict, she went on to become British. So no real difference. It doesn't however say why a programme on now beginning with X, hasn't had the same affect. After all most of the people who appear on the X-Factor during the human bear baiting freak show first few weeks certainly live on a different planet to me.

Recession Part One: Most Effected British Towns

The latest news from the recession was that the cities who had risen the furthest over the last 10 years were the one's that have fallen the hardest during the recession. London, Manchester, Birmingham and Newcastle were all fairly high up on list, with cities like Manchester being particular dependent on the financial services. Ironically Edinburgh was one of the cities that has faired pretty well in the recession given the fact about all that who-ha with the Royal Bank of Scotland. Bristol the lovely yet slightly overrated city of the Southwest turned out to be one that is hardest hit which will inevitably mean of a mass migration to east to London think off Clifton with all those empty deli's and hills.


Recession Part Two: Success of our Continental Neighbours

Just when things can't get any worst we suffer a great big kick in the nuts by learning that France and Germany are now officially coming out of recession. Germany is easier to swallow after all they are well known for their hard work and superior technology but France. A county where everyone takes the whole entire summer off, have two hour lunches and strike at will if they are not happy with the quality of the staffroom coffee. So its simple getting out of a recession is not about hard work its about being more like the french.


Size Matters, Not in Bed Silly, Commercially

Apparently Durex have been swapped with calls from men for which regular rimmed is simply not doing the job and are now demanding extra large condoms ( here at Frapp we have been fooled into such boosts before and only to find it was delusion). Anyway whatever the truth its opened up a nice niche market for Durex as Tesco's and Salisbury's are rushing to fill up their shelf's with extra large.

More Commercial suaveness has come from cock size with the establishment of a dating website for women who like their Men big. All males on the site must boost at least 7 inches and more, but this isn't about sex apparently its for women who want love but have particular requirements. Ahh....feministism has come a long way.



Really? News of the Week

Most pointless research of the week goes to the news that women eventually married men who look similar to themselves. Doesn't this apply to everyone of which we have all known for years. I mean when when was the last time you saw Kate Moss dating a 22 stoner.

Uppers & Downers

Here a selection of what has been getting us up and down this week.


Uppers

1) The Fame- She maybe annoying us with the endless strange provocative dresses, the tea cup, and the feature film length videos with weird Swedish men for a 3 minute song- But Gaga has come up with the pop album of the year

2) The Street - Jimmy's McGovern excellent Manchester based drama has been the best thing on the box for a long time. Shame that ITV North cuts means this seasons was probably the last.

3) Remedy by Little Boots - The uber hip music reviewer in The Guardian criticise this song for being like a 1980's East European Eurovision entry- But that's why we love it!


Downers

1) Self Centred Americans- Apparently the right wing middle classes have been showing their distress at Obama turning the USA 'into a socialist state' by buying Car Stickers with slogans like Honk If I'm paying your Mortgage (Pictured Above)

2) Sunny in Neighbours- The most pointless character in the shows history - and that's saying something

3) Start of the Football Season - Signaling the beginning of the end of the summer as well as pleasant Wednesday nights drinks in the local pub

Arctic Monkeys: Good Musicians Shit Comedians

Here at Frapp magazine we've been seeing the morning through by listening to Jo Whiley on Radio One. Today's guests were ultra hip northern band via East London the Arctic Monkey's. Now don't get us wrong we will admit that Alex knows how to pen a good tune every now and again and even the new song has us tapping our feet's against the floor. The problem we have is when the monkey's revert back to that Northern Cynical Sarcastic stereotype. Now if you have never been outside of the home counties then I'm sure this seems really cool and funny. This would explain Alexa Chung, but than again this is a woman who spends her time complaining about how she hated growing up with the horsey set, hated being a model, and now hates being in New York. She also said in a recent interview that she loves East London because everyone dresses the same, its such a shame Stalin's Soviet Union and Mao's China no longer exist Alexa would off loved it.

But here at Frapp Mag we know the true North, we even been to Rochdale! So the whole old school northern act doesn't impressive us, after all if it did we would just hang out at the Stockpot Pool Rooms. So making sarcey comments in that exaggerated northern accent ( it has to be or even Alexa would off battered Alex to death by now) about going to a Britney Spears Concert or how Blackpool is there favourite location etc..........doesn't impress us. Worst is when they try and be ironic and postmodern in humour displayed twice at the Brit awards once accepting an award dress as Characters from the wizard of Oz and then as shown above turning up as Stereotypical upper class country gents.....Get it because there meant to be gritty northerners........have to give them a clap for trying but unfortunately they are 20 years to late, it been done many time before.

So the lesson is where you might excel in one aspect of life it doesn't apply to many others.

PS.............

Just a reminder next weeks health & body section will be......

Andy Murrays Legs: Isn't he rich enough yet to get that birth mark lasered off !

Up in Arms about Madge

The latest controversy surrounding Madonna is the state of her arms the popular opinion is that the old queen has been over doing a bit whilst others believe that is pure sexism and no one mentions that Iggy Pop has been looking like this for years and they may have a point. Now I'm not going to argue that Madonna's arms look great or that they are no different from any other woman's because clearly they are whether be a another 50 year old or 21 year old graduate. Yes they have become increasingly muscular without an once of fat on them and for some tastes very unappealing and lets be honest no normal person has arms like that. But people are missing the point Madonna isn't average she is a global superstar the queen bee of global superstars, and to compete in this body obese, highly competitive area Madonna in many ways is no different from a sports athlete. A recent trip to see her live in concert confirmed this on two levels not only is it about looking good and the overall product is the flesh is unbelievably good, but more importantly Madge has to be in tip top shape to do what she does best put on a bloody good show much like an athlete has to be in phenomenal shape to compete. You try dancing a highly energetic dance routines for endless nights in a row across the globe for two hours straight pretty much none stop under the heat of powerfully lights surrounded by body gorgeous dancers half your age, and yet who you can still dance the socks off. We have seen in recent weeks, in stark comparison, in one of Madonna peers what happens when when a performer try's to embark on such a demanding profession without being in peak condition, even 2o something stars have shown us the disaster that can happen on stage if a star is not in top shape remember Britney at the VMA's a few years ago. So laugh at Madonna's endless quest for the perfect body performance but like an athlete it allows her to do what she's got a do and by George she still one of the best in the biz at it but yet we don't criticise Martina Navratilova who roughly the same age as Madonna also has the same type of muscular non fat arms because she's a sports star and that's okay.

Katie Price: Remarkable Woman

Katie Price aka Jordon aka a number of other things is an remarkable woman the ability to make Peter Andre look like a credible celebrity is quiet a feat. Andre for his part seems like a decent bloke if not the brightest spark in the box. The first time I encounter Katie Price was back when she was Jordan in fact back before she was even famous. Using the loosest definition of fame. It was in the late 90's in a reality series about three girls wanting to become Glamour models (what can i say i was a teenager) Jordan as she wanted to be known then was the s0-called expert telling how to heighten their profiles. This mainly consisted of a delightful story about how she and her then boyfriend Dane Bowers were caught having sex in the living room of her Brighton home by a convenient photographer. Surprisingly the relationship didn't last and Jordon gained more media coverage by telling the tabloids that he was useless in bed and hung like an elf. Its amazing how the penis size of a b-list boyband member and the buttons he can press under the duvet, or in this case on the lounge room floor with the curtains open, can gain such column inches in the media, more than the member itself by Jordan's accounts. This was then followed by an infamous debut on the Graham Norton show where she lovingly made a comment about the wideness of an audience members vagina. In between this there were numerous spreads in lad mags and a one night stand with pizza face Gareth Gates.


Then she appeared in I'm A Celebrity hooked up with Andre and came out as Katie Price, earned a 30 million pound fortune and rocked up at polo events with a love of horses. Although my advice would be Katie you could add an extra nought to that personal wealth figure and Henley Polo Club still ain't going to accept you darling. Now it seems she back to the beginnings back to Jordan. Now I don't know Jordan, she could be delightful, and my initial feeling that she was a talentless slag could be unfounded and put down to pure middle class snobbishness but then I read her interview in the 'Q & A' section of the Guardian mag, yes the Guardian. Here she told us that her favourite word was 'Cunt', classy lady! A more insightful answer came from the 'which living person do you despise?' question. Katie's answer was "Murderers, paedophiles and rapists" now there's nothing wrong with this after all who doesn't but you can't help but feel the groan of the Guardian Journalist I mean its a bit like asking someone what food do they dislike least? and the reply being 'Shit'. Plus the question asked for a person which useless Katie knows one bad bastard wasn't really giving us an answer. Anyway as this latest episode of Katie's live continues to put minor issues such as deaths in Afghanistan, global warming and even swine flue off the front page you can guaranteed that the ability ,through many ways and stories to keep her in the press , will serve Jordan for the years to come.

PS Couldn't be bothered finding a free photo of Jordan so just put a pic of my dog up instead draw your own conclusions!

covering my arse!

Boyfrapp would like to point out that the views in these blogs are purely that of the author for all we know Madonna former Los Feliz house could be cheap at $9.99 m

The information is collected from a number of sources and should not be taken as direct fact! Sources include blogspots very own real estate stalker, the LA times, Trulia and Zillow and a number of other sources if you find the property section interesting we suggest you check the above out!

Castillo del Lago- Madonna' s former Hills home

Address: Near the Lake Hollywood, East Hollywood Hills 90068, LA , USA
Status: For Sale
Price: $14,950,000
Former Owner(s): Madonna Louise Ciccone

Basic Voyeur: 1920'S Mansion high up in hills of hollywood, Nine bedrooms, wine cellar, even a look out tower, something of an area landmark, one in a kind of opportunity

Boyfrapp's View: This pink palace has something of a chequered history, before Madge it was owned by gangster Busgy Sigel ( don't ask we don't know) back in the 1930's then in 1993 the queen of pop brought the place partly because of its spanish revival and its secure feel thanks to that tower! According to M's little brother's bio she spent $5m on the place in 1993 then he spent a further $3m on renovations, brothers you just can't trust them! Not only was little bros work expensive it also cause some tension with the neighbours it was white then chris painted it pink with stripes. Which we actually quite like! Castillo became something off a poison property for M not only did it sell for around $5m three years later despite the $3m updating by brother chistopher, Madonna swiftly moved out after a stalker broke into the grounds one sunny afternoon (no it wasn't us!) since then no idea who been living there however we still think its a great house, unusual, pretty and castle like the only cons is that its in the wrong part of the Hollywood Hills 90068 is not as fashionable as 90069 daahlings' plus secure and private it may be but its a treck from the sunset strip and the celeb havens of beverly hills & bel air etc.............

Madges former Los Feliz Home

Address: Cockerham, Los Feliz 90027, LA, USA
Former Owner(s): Queen Madonna
Status: For Sale
Price: $9,999,000 (about £6M)

Basic Voyeur: Classic Wallace Neff 1920's home located in the Los Feliz area of LA, celeb history, set in rolling hills of just under 2 acres, includes outdoor guest house, large motor court up long private drive way


Boyfrapps view: Loves this house for LA anyway, if you're going spend big in Los Angeles and retain some class 1920's spanish is the way to go! and Wallace Neff is the King of this type of property. Having search trulia and Zillow we think this is one of the nicest houses for sale in LA today much nicer than the spanish house Diane Keaton currently has on the market in Beverly hills. Of course what makes this house interesting is the Fact that from1996-2000 it was home to ms Madonna Lousie Ciccone, who moved in after the birth of Loudres. Madge then sold it to sciencetologist and star of one of the worst sitcom's in history Jenifer Elfman, remember Dharma and greg? Nope neither do I, for around $4million, later the house ended up in the hands of todays seller Rachel Sweet who has put it on the market for 9.99m (mmm.......seems a bit step considering the 4 m price tag 9 years ago) does she not know there is a recession going on! As much as we love this house there are some cons, NO POOL! NO POOL IN LA WHATS THE POINT OF LIVING THERE! probs because of the rolling hills but surely in this day of age there could be a solution to that, the house of similar build next door manage to drop one in at the back of the house, plus as much as Los Feliz is a cool neighbourhood its still cheaper than Beverly hills so again you have to wonder about the beverly hills price tag!

Elle's Notting Hill Townhouse

Address: Ladbrooke Gdns, Notting Hill, London w11

Owner: Elle Macpherson

Price: £7,500,000

Status: For Sale

Basic Voyuer: This has been the leggy Aussie supermodel base in the Big L over the last few years. With six bedrooms, access to communal Gardens and a central W11 location its is a classic Notting Hillbillie Trophy Townhouse.

Boyfrapp's View: Know this area well and this is a great classic W11 home, elle's clearly has taste or more likely has had the Gay decorators in. The floorplan which can be seen on a number of UK property websites is of the modern Ldn townhouse layout with an AbFab style kitchen on the Lower ground floor with access to garden which perosonally I love, I only hope elle or mr gay decorator has had the sense to keep the orginal features. Cons: the house has been on the market for a long time even with a £2m price cut. A lot of the other houses on the street have been split up into flats, a similar property on a neighbouring recently sold for £6.95M. The house is lovely but happens to be in a spectular lovely area of London and perhaps some neighboring roads are slightly nicer thinking off Elgin and Lansdowne in Particular!

Properties off the week

Okay I am going to admit that this part of the blog is simply Voyeurism accept taking away the strict sexual definitio and replacing in with property something I've always had an interest. Some people like fashion, art or watching other people pleasure themselves, mine is property whether it be celeb, pure dirty examples of wealth or just nice examples of construction. After all no commodity is as aspirational as land and property ever since the feudel ages........property has been the commodity most have aspired to over anything else:

Okay so here some properties that have taken my interest with some interesting owners:

Healthcare: Greed & Selfishness of American Culture

I am not the most patriotic Brit very rarely will you hear the expression Proud to be British come out of my lips, I would rather shoot myself than stick an Union Jack to the top of my Car, but one thing I am proud to be British about is the NHS. This week the NHS has been given a battering by the American right wing, showing scaremongering adverts about the British 'socialist nhs' with a series of people stating its failures set to the backdrop of music normally found in some god awful naff horror movie. Even conservative MEP Daniel Hannans was getting into the act showing the party's true colours much to the dismay of David Cameron.

All of this has made my blood boil. Yes the NHS is not perfect but name a healthcare system that is, but one thing that a healthcare system must do is try and be fair, and this is, when it comes to health, us Brits beat the Yanks hand down as Obama faces increasing opposition to his universal healthcare plan. Quite frankly I would rather have a bad universal healthcare that at the very least offers some care for all than one that offers excellent care for some and none at all for others let alone the 46 million without in the states that have recently been reported.

So why is it that it appears so many Americans oppose an NHS style healthcare? Simple its because they want to keep the Status Quo to remain in a society of haves and have not's. From what I've seen in the media coverage it is not the Park Avenue set or the ridicules wealthy silicon valley set, but instead the provincial republican true blue suburban American middle class, neither super rich or highly educated but comfortable in their own daily lives, and there is nothing wrong with this. However what is wrong is the fear and opposition to any form of change that will affect this, this selfish individualism, after all they can afford good healthcare, have the money saved to send the kids to college and they sure hell aren't going to risk it under the pressure of higher taxes after all why should they pay for someone else? If the Mexican pool cleaner can't do it anymore because they can't afford to pay for treatment for a Hermina or whatever and feed their families, it doesn't matter they can employ a new one a cheaper one! As long as it doesn't affect their pleasant nuclear family set up then why such they care after all they worked for what they have. Well I'm sorry maybe I am a socialist Brit ( bring on McCarthy!) but i think that health care is right not a privilege. So the right wing of American can have their stupid adverts and marchers we'll stick to the NHS thanks and lets hope that the people who also make the USA wonderful will force Obama to be brave and finally common sense will win and the people that need health care the most will finally get thier right.

Intro

Hey Welcome to my Blog.............God that sounded nerdy. Anyway to the one random person who had the misfortune to land on this page thought I might use this first blog as an intro to the things that I will be posting here! Essentially this blog will be based on 3 topics:

1) Property Porn: Apart from actual porn, my favourite past time is looking at what has been dubbed 'property porn' so I thought I might as well share with you some of the property info I sometimes find out in my usual OCD surfing on the web.........i.e celeb real estate...........interesting houses........and maybe houses that in some way relate to my own life..........now there is already far better up to date blogs particularly about celeb property porn out there already..........real estate stalker on this very site being the best.........as well things like curbed etc........I not going to pretend to rival them as they are done by people/person far better at this than I am. Essentially I will be a secondary source in this respect chopping down what I have learnt from them already and if you have find an interest in this kind of thing I would deeply advice you to look at these far better sources........


2) Political Rants/ current affairs/ News Stories : One of the things that was installed in me was the ability to have and voice an opinion, so this essentially what this topic will be about whether its about Madonna's latest adoption or stuff about the NHS or the Political Parties or just things that have been in the news such as Swine Flue or the Suburban Gestapo in the Local park

3) Random things............Actually what it says on the tin!

Grammar and Spelling.........despite riding my luck far into the British educational system......I will admit now that my spelling and grammer and ability to miss key words out of paragraphs is my downfall I will try my best but it won't be a blog for the grammar and spelling police.....alright!